Thursday, September 25, 2014

Determined Resolve

It's 2:00 am. This is the creative hour for me. Something in my spirit wouldn't let me sleep.
The stillness combined with the Nag Champa incense lingering in the air creates a quiet peace inside me.  The studio is one of my favorite places to exist.  Here I can enjoy just being.  There's no judgement here.  I am free to create, sit, write, listen, play, dance and sing (yes sing!) all without the criticisms of the world. There is a reason I feel safe here. One, I am surrounded by my favorite creature comforts. My favorite music always permeates the air along with the background trickling of a small water fountain.  Then, there is the peaceful time spent in deep thought and meditation. Its the only place I can manage my over active brain. Some say I am too analytically. No one says that in here.

There is also a deep loyalty here I can't seem to find anywhere else. The world can be a wondrous and awesome place, and yet its hard to find people willing to surrender to one another. We tend to clothe ourselves with our so called "best" self, but in reality it is just a shell, a covering of the true self.

Does giving ourselves to one another mean we give up control of who we are? If we are just being who we are what are we really need to protect? Does deceit or deception protect anything?
Exposing all our innards is true outward protection.
I think there is a paradox in being completely vulnerable.  You somehow become instantly protected from all enemies, foreign and domestic. I don't know why I believe it to be so.  The only thought that comes close to explaining it, is from a well used biblical quote.
John 8:32 "Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free."

For some reason when you clothe yourself with truth, like being purely vulnerable, you somehow are protected from being hurt.  Its as if you can surrender to truth in the face of trial and you somehow are free from harm. I guess it is sort of like someone saying, "It is what it is."  You simply can't change or alter truth so surrendering to it just makes sense. However, most say I'm crazy for such thoughts.  Most like the idea of protection coming from our own minds; Our own inventive deceptive ways of false shelter.
I tend to lean towards the impossible.  I like the odds they pose.  I know I'm a dreamer at heart and an idealist. That is probably why I am never satisfied with my human interactions.  I seem to always seek that pure connection. One without the pseudo-protective semipermeable shell.

I'd imagine that is why I am an artist. I can create that truth in visual form. The process of creation itself is the ultimate vulnerability. I can't hide.  Who I am is exposed thoroughly on canvas, paper or clay. I'm exposed to all sorts of criticism. Art is subjective, so what one person loves another despises for no reason other than the right to dislike. I am able to put it out there simply from my mind to hand to canvas and maintain a determined resolve.  At this level, the truth of every mark I make, every visual expression, every soul exposed concept, every idea transmitted and every piece of artwork shared, I am free.  It is what it is.

1 comment:

  1. I love this!!! I always feel free and safe when I am in your studio and in your presence. I understand the essence of "It is what it is." My sister from another mother.