Saturday, December 31, 2011

The end of a year....and continuation of living.

"The more efficient a force is, the more silent and the more subtle it is. Love is the subtlest force in the world." Mahatma Gandhi

As the door for this year closes; a new door full of possibilities opens. Memories of this year flood my mind. It has definitely been one of the more memorable ones. However, I'm looking forward to the limitless adventures of the new year.

In the beginning of the year when I set out on this j0urney of silence, I had no idea how things would turn out. Taking one day at a time seemed to be the best approach. I admit this year was spent primarily in the moment. It was easy to concentrate on how things felt when the focus was not on formulating words to say. My mind was free to contemplate instead of reacting. I could take my time to really consider what was said and not feel pulled to respond or quickly add my two cents. So many times we are so at the ready to add our point of view, frequently missing the point altogether.

I intend on using the skills explored this year well into the next and beyond. To sit and try to reflect on what my goals were for this year and weigh in on if they were accomplished is a bit overwhelming right now, as I'm anticipating midnight so I can tell my twins I love them!! I'm going to have to spend some time going through each one and really reflect on how things have changed for me this year. (more to come on this blog) There have been so many wonderful changes.

One of the most beautiful experiences for the year was the unfaltering, unconditional love and support of my family and close friends. To say I am "crazy"... falls easily off the lips of those who love me. But it is those same people that accept me for all that I am. The favor is returned as well. No matter what I bring to the table (and I bring feasts sometimes) they take it all in stride; riding with me the whole way. Even when they are not entirely sure what it is exactly I am doing. It doesn't matter. They love me and simply say, "ok if this is what your doing, we're in".
Thank you for making my journey a joy and not a burden! I am eternally grateful.

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!! Have the most joyous experience of your life! If you think it, you can do it!

Sunday, December 4, 2011

Near death....

Let's are out very late and far from home. You are exhausted from being awake for over 24 hours. All you want to do is get home to your nice, warm and cozy cocoon of a bed. However, the drive home is murder... (almost literally)

You begin your determined journey. All the necessary checks have been made: I.D., money, gas, seat belt, mirrors, and of course music for the ride. Its winter so you put the heater on high to quickly warm the cabin. As you drive down the highway there is barely a soul on the road. An occasional car passes you and their lights quickly fade into the dark landscape. The hum of the engine mixed with the music feels like a lullaby and a warm sensation moves through your body. Without effort your eyelids become shades being drawn for close of business. Everything goes BLACK! If you were conscience you would notice that you should not be driving with your eyes closed!

Suddenly an extreme jolt of pain whips through your spine, accompanied by a thunderous roar that sounds like falling boulders. The car you so commonly see as a source of protection becomes a thrashing epileptic. When you snap back to reality your foot instinctively slams on the brakes and episodes of your life are now sitting in the passenger seat beside you. Instead of meeting your demise you end up motionless in a ditch with your heart beating outside itself!

So now I ask you.....What are the millions of streaming thoughts in your head? Are your first thoughts a plea to God? But wait... maybe guilt floods in first because how can you ask your God to help you when you haven't exactly been doin' the right thang. (human logic is flawed). Ok with that out the way, what's next? Praise perhaps? Regrets? Things you wish you HAD done? There is still so much life to live! Or maybe images of all the people you wished you forgave? Are there people you still need to forgive? Time is of the essence. What will give you a clear conscience to end this chapter and enter into the next?

I'd like to think my mind is engulfed with memories of the people I love! My kids playing and saying I love you, my husband laughing, my mom kissing me, my best friend joking with me, and friends smiling.
There is still time.... I'm sitting here writing this, right?