Sunday, June 12, 2011

A much needed hiatus....

This morning, I took advantage of a quiet house. While the twins were sleeping and with Stacy at work, I drew myself a steaming hot bubble bath to sooth my stiff back and hard head.

The night was long and lonely. I spent a good portion of the night tossing and turning. Eventually I had to get out of bed and walk to relieve my tortured soul and pain ridden body. In the middle of the night this ole house makes lots of quiet noise. It was comforting to hear the rain hit the street.

I can be a very sensitive soul sometimes.... whatever the catalyst for my thoughts, I began to consider the condition of the world. Heavy stuff for a suffering insomniac for a night. My heart was pulled in the direction towards the plight of man. People have good intention, but the problem is, intention doesn't get the job done; Action does. Then relationship wise it seems so few are actually happy. More than half of my friends (whose wedding I remember) have gone through a divorce or the threat of a break-up looms over their head. There are many in relationships where instead of working together, harsh words take the place of true understanding.

I ended up crying. The kind of cry that comes from your soul. I cried for everyone! Myself included. I cried for any ill thought or deed. I cried for any action that pulls us away from peace. Hot tears streamed down my cheek for anyone whose heart has ever been broken. I cried for humanity.

I cried myself into a peaceful silence. Then I went back to bed.
In the morning I awoke to a fresh perspective. Action took the place of sorrow. Taking care of our mind, body and spirit is a must in order for us to stay healthy and take care of each other.
Back to my hot bubble bath... I spent two hours soaking in bubbles scented with vanilla and a hint of citrus. Burning my Nag Champa is a must and of course I had a recording of the ocean playing in the background. This was all a backdrop to the real activity. I'm currently reading one of the most stimulating books I've opened in a long time. Its title is perfect, "The Art Spirit" by Robert Henri (1865-1929).
Inside these pages are the most inspiring words for any artist. Some books just seem to reach inside our hearts and kiss it. That's what its like as my eyes take in every word. Robert Henri pours out for the thirsty artist philosophies in art that quench the soul. His words are timeless and pure. In all my silence and lack of artist peers this book feels like a friendly conversation. I need to be reminded what my mission is from time to time. I am an artist.
No sense feeling bad about lost intentions.....its a new day and action is required.
"Be the change you want to see in the world." Gandhi

I'm sorry.....

This is an apology to myself.....I'm sorry.

No matter the circumstance DO NOT compromise your beliefs! During various times of stress it may seem in your best interest to alter what you would normally do and go with the flow. Resist the urge!
These are King Solomon-esqe words of advice. Take it from someone who has traveled that road extensively. ONLY turmoil, strife and guilt will come of it.

I actually thought I was helping the situation...(in my not so infinite wisdom) to go along with the "flow" of the other person, as not to make too big a wave. WRONG! It takes a stronger person to stand up to something that is even a little wrong, than to passively soothe the thing with empty yes's. It ends up being like putting a band aide on an arterial bleed. It OBVIOUSLY is not working.
Turns out the damage was long withstanding the original situation.

I have learned to take my own advice. Be consistent in your beliefs no matter who you are dealing with; whether friend or family. In the end you will undoubtedly be left with your own conscience to contend with....and as I let "man" down, I refuse to let myself down.
I'm glad I can still