Saturday, June 21, 2014

Learning to Change My Shortcomings

The process of self-discovery and growth never stops. Through trial and error as well as being in the fire, I am learning when my gifts are best used. I'm a good person to turn to when crisis is at hand or ideas are being tossed around. Planning and organizing comes with ease for me. I guess that's a by product of my secret self diagnosis of OCD. However, a common wall I am coming against is when things are in the execution phase. Typically with family and close friends, I take things entirely too personal. I get emotionally affected by the problems and stress of others. It's as if I can feel their pain and I don't want them to struggle. I try to offer a shift in perspective that there is always a remedy to the mind's problems.  I'm continually search for solutions that could possibly be of help.  

I notice however, that when I witness my close friends or family doing things that are not efficient or even things that are potentially harmful, I haven't learned the delicate balance of keeping my mouth shut, and just be a listening ear. I speak passionately and with a very direct tone. It becomes black and white for me in matters of character or when dealing with the spirit of a person. So, to my detriment, I offer my suggestive opinion far to openly, when it is not necessarily wanted. I'm finding what people want most, is to just be listened to and NOT have opinions offered, especially if they are stated in an aggressive tone.

This has been a frequent criticism about me and has been the cause of intense friction with my family and close friends. It doesn't happen with acquaintances because they rarely ask my opinion. I usually don't say what I think if I am not asked for it. I simply listen. So, when my close friends and family are asking me what I think, I say it. It's not always received though, mostly because I can easily get elevated in tone and passion when the other side makes excuses for poor behavior. I understand that my tone is not helpful. The message gets lost entirely. Pure intention means nothing when poise is not maintained.

I am definitely NOT the person you go to if you want a fluffy feel good conversation. If you just want a 'yes person' or have your ego stroked, I am not the one to turn to. However, I realize I can adjust my perspective as well, and tame my passion a bit, so the message is not destroyed! The spirit is willing, but I need better self control and maintain a spirit of grace. Amen.