Tuesday, March 19, 2013

"Whose Afraid of Virgina Wolf?" (1966 black and white movie)

An Elizabeth Taylor and Richard Burton classic..... "Whose Afraid of Virginia Wolf" is a character study into the crafty lives of a bitter middle-aged married couple. It artfully displays the interplay and 'button-pushing' that borderlines torture the couple engages with one another.  They get so carried away with their liquor induced games of destruction they reel in another unassuming young couple and toy with them psychologically.

The movie exposes the hidden, twisted fantasy verses reality that exists in the private lives of couples. People married for many years know all the in's and out's of their mate and just what to say to reach their most vulnerable places....even to the point of potentially destroying them. However, annihilation of one means certain death for BOTH!

There are many scenes in the movie that are favorites of mine. One of which is when Elizabeth Taylor reaches an epiphany on where they went wrong in their relationship.  She forcefully snaps her fingers and keeps repeating, "It went snap!"
Her passion and drama thrusts through the scene with diabolical force.

I currently feel that same type of eye opening epiphany about life in general. People create mental prison for themselves all the while desiring freedom. Our prisons come in the form of time constraints, schedules and unrealistic expectations. Living free is living in the moment. That is the only real place change and freedom exists.

I love character study type movies that have limited settings and focus more on body language and dialogue of a few cast members to flesh out the core of the movie. Another movie of this type is "Castaway" 2000 with Tom Hanks.
As is "American Buffalo" 1996 with Dustin Hoffman.

Friday, March 15, 2013

Life moves....just not in my belly.

Every Friday is "Pizza and a Movie Night" in our house. The kids live by it! No matter what is going on it's something consistant everyone can count on.  Sitting back watching a movie (usually an animated comedy) and devouring yummy pizza without any attention to calorie counting!

Coming from a busy week and non-stop day AND receiving the sad news today of NOT being pregnant, pizza and a movie sounds  especially great. A chance to sit back and veg....think about nothing but the moving pictures in front of me.....

Bloodwork in a few hours...

What seems early is really my normal studio hours. I get up at about 2am to enjoy the quiet serenity of the art studio. I find it is my most productive time, when the whole house is quiet and asleep.

I just finished working on a piece and getting my lesson together for my students today. However the big event for the morning is the pregnant test. In a few hours at about 6:30am I will meet up with Shelly at UCONN medical to get bloodwork done for the pregnancy test. Typically I will get a call back just after mid-day to let me know if I am actually pregnant and the embryos are growing. Shelly and Kevin are anxiously waiting for the news that they are on their way to having a baby or not.

I'd say I'm excited, but it's in a more reserved way. I naturally don't get too nervous or excited ahead of time. I'm a more in the moment girl! Once I get the news THEN you see an overt response from me.

So for the next couple of hours I'm going to get some rest...and patiently wait. It is completely in God's hands. What will be will be!

Wednesday, March 6, 2013

I'm still learning...

A quoted segment from the book I'm reading....
"The lessons you are meant to learn are in your work. To see them, you need only look at the work clearly - without judgment, without need or fear, without wishes or hopes. Without emotional expectations. Ask your work what it needs, not what you need. Then set aside your fears and listen, the way a good parent listens to a child."
-Art & Fear

Words that strike a chord inside me. Although I am reading this book because it directly relates to my attitudes towards my art. I see clearly how these words apply to how I can handle myself in my personal relationships as well.

When I re-read this segment with that in mind a truth about those words pierces me!  Without emotional expectation, judgment, need or fear you have to change how you move. Accept more, listen more, learn more.  Something happens when you make the shift from saying what 'you need' opposed to asking what 'they need'. Your focus becomes outward, making room to be filled up thus deminishing any 'need' to begin with.
I can be better.

Tuesday, March 5, 2013

Music to my ears!

Baby girl, YOU INSPIRE ME!!!

I'm pregnant..... Sort of, kind of!

Yesterday was filled with excitement, hope, anticipation, joy, love and nausea!
It was a big day for Shelly and Kevin! This is the second cycle attempt at getting pregnant. Last year's journey ended with sorrow filled tears. The two embryos placed inside my womb turned into a "blight ovum" - basically an empty embryonic sac miscarried at about 5 weeks. This year we approach the process with cautious optimism.

To all of our amazement, this year's transfer falls on the exact date as last year's - March 4th. Something that typically does not happen. The in-vito process itself can be surreal. It takes much of the mysteries of pregnancy and thrusts them into the foreground. You become intimate with little details that an unassisted pregnancy is not concerned with. For example, having bloodwork drawn every three or so days, I learned very quickly the delicate balance of  Lupron, Estradoil, Progesterone and Estrogen patches have on my body. Hormone levels and timing are everything. I became familiar how 456 Estrogen the day before transfer is a good thing!

This time around - the same as before - Shelly and Kevin have two embryos ready for transfer, both three cells old. So there is a definite possibility of twins. Having a set of beautiful 10 year old twins via the in-vitro process myself, I am mentally, physically and spiritually ready to be a gestational carrier for my step-sister Shelly.
I say that with assurance and then day one of implantation I'm taken down by waves of nausea for the entire day. It was as if someone was wringing out my intestines to dry. I started off eating crackers and drinking ginger ale, but after hours of that and no relief I decided to eat 'normal'. I slowly pulled apart porgies and chomped down collard greens. The real relief came when I slurped down a McDonald's smoothie!

I feel much better today. I'm comfortably propped up in bed for the next two days where I will spend my prescribed bed rest reading, writing and "rithmaticing"! The only thing left to do now is 'patiently' wait 11 days for the first pregnancy test and pray everything works out this time and I carry life to term for the anxious couple. God be with us!